clare
Friday, May 16, 2003
 
when i talk about ann, i usually refer to her as "my sister." that's because almost no one here has met her. this is a very sad fact for these individuals.

ann has been writing--well, of course that's true; as far back as i can remember, ann has always been writing, to the betterment of the written word. every word should be so lucky as to have been written by ann.

but the specifics of which words, exactly, ann has plucked and arranged of late may be found here.

read and enjoy.

it's an interesting interaction, to be reading someone's writings online like this. i don't really believe that the internet is quite as passive as words on a screen. more thinking is to be done about this... and more about ann's poetry soon. "work" first...
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Wednesday, May 14, 2003
 
it's hard, and don't let anyone tell you it's not.

it's hard to believe that, in this friggin day and age, someone in my neighborhood can be kicked out on their ass just for being queer. hard to believe, but it happens.

it's hard to believe that, in texas, the republican majority is working on a redistricting plan that would essentially remove the possibility that democrats could gain (or even maintain) political power in the House (thank you, marshall, for the note... for more info, go here). hard to believe, but it's true.

but, then again...

it's hard to believe that the Maine state legislature ruled that the State will no longer purchase goods from companies that utilize sweatshop labor. hard to believe, but it happened.

there's gotta be hope somewhere. there's gotta. and i don't mean that pie-in-the-sky-when-you-die kinda hope. i mean real hope that real change is possbile. better than that: that it's just around the corner. better than that: that it's happening all around us, in bits and pieces.

and just to echo ad-man: "Mostly I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world everyday. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head all the time. Can you understand?" --John Coffee, The Green Mile

more on the capability of human beings to be unbelievably cruel... but also unbelievably kind... later.

in the meantime, a little hum: doot doot doot... doot... w00t...
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Friday, May 09, 2003
 
i will never work in an environment in which i am closeted. this is something on which i'm supposed to be seriously reflecting these days, being a queer woman in the job market. but i refuse to live and work in a world that doesn't accept me for who i am. sounds cliched and obvious, right? not if you're queer.

if you're queer, you need to think, at least on some small level, about whether or not the place you're applying will be queer-friendly. can you talk about your partner casually in coversation like your co-workers talk about their husbands and wives? will your partner be covered under your benefits plan? will folks use derogatory terms--sexist, racist, homophobic/heterosexist, or otherwise offensive? how will you react if they do? or will they make generalizations about queer folk and say things like, "i don't mean to be homophobic, but..." [and proceed to say something homophobic]? will folks make assumptions about you, your partner, your lifestyle, your pets, etc., based on what they know or think they know of your orientation?

alternatively, will it be a given that your partner is to be treated with the same level of respect as husbands and wives? will it be assumed that your partner receives benefits? will your co-workers be actively critical of the forces of racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism in other areas of their lives? will they ask honest, non-judgmental, and open-minded questions about what you believe it's like to be queer when they really don't know?

hmmm.

i reFUSE, though. i downright RE-FUSE to work at a place that would possibly not hire me based solely on my queer-ness. i can't even imagine an employer for whom this would be an issue--or maybe i don't want to.

there's an element of privilege in here, as well. of course there is. i'm a middle-class white queer who graduated from an "elite" institution, and i can "pass" as straight. at least, for now. i have certain, shall we say, opportunities from which more visibly queer or ambiguous folks wouldn't benefit. and i'm not desperate for a job at the moment.

which is why i believe it's important to be out at work. more on this later...
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Monday, May 05, 2003
 
ok ok. long story short: i ended up purchasing almost a complete suit from kohl's. BUT i did find some pret-ty neat sources for fair trade clothes online. here are a couple:

**People Tree, a UK clothing source with pretty clothes. pret-ty things!
**GrassRoots, a site that features hemp and organic cotton clothes, shoes (!), and other things.
**Mama's Earth, clothes and stuffs made from organic and recycled materials
**an International Organic Cotton Directory, "a site dedicated to the sustainable production, processing and consumption of organic cotton worldwide." lots o' listings.

STILL, i'm a bit meeved. not only could i not find "women's" pants to fit my height (i would have gladly purchased men's, as i've done in the past, but why not make clothes that could clearly be worn by any gender unisex in the first place? why not size women's clothes by waist, inseam, and maybe hip--like men's clothes--instead of arbitrarily by some random number? i could go on and on...), but i couldn't find a decent fairly-traded suit jacket. there were tons of comfy clothes, but nothing business-y.

is this whole discussion petty and stupid and selfish? well, no. i believe that you can discern a lot about broader social, environmental, and political issues at the level of everyday, seemingly insignificant personal issues. it's the women's studies mantra: the personal is political. and i'll be damned if i'm not in some way connected with the woman who manufactured the suit jacket i'll be wearing, a woman who's probably not paid a living wage and whose economic imprisonment i'm participating in...

some would argue that i'm giving this woman a job, and that, if i quit buying these items, women in the third world would go hungry. why do i feel like i've heard this sore argument a billion times before? that may be true at this point in time, but it's not that simple. that doesn't mean that i shouldn't make better choices and orient my life toward making the world a better place. and buying fairly-traded clothing is a way to do that. these are complex, complex problems that deserve careful consideration from me, as an american consumer, and they will only be solved with similarly carefully-considered solutions. justifying my purchasing habits by saying "meh, i'm keeping women in the third world alive with my buying habits" seems to me to be a way of avoiding these issues.

on the other hand, i and my family can't friggin' afford the fancy fairly-traded clothes, either. what does that say? also, i find it interesting that none of the aforemetioned sites sell anything even remotely in the realm of "career wear." some would argue (and i'm in complete agreement with this set of "some folks") that the whole concept of "career wear" is in itself a bit oppressive. suits and coats and heels and ties are, from my perspective, another class marker that seems to me to be totally useless, not to mention uncomfortable. i'd love it if we could all just switch to the comfy clothes sold on these sites. but no dice there, just yet, and i need to find a job, doncha know...

just another intersection of class, gender, and race...
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Friday, May 02, 2003
 
the story of clare's free trade suit:

after much cajoling, convincing, coercing, chastisement, and more cajoling by mellie and my mom, i was finally convinced that i need to purchase "better" clothes for my--theoretical, at least--upcoming job interviews. so i set off on my way, skipping merrily through the electronic and thoroughly american happyland of online shopping. little did i know that a thought would strike me, and that thought would subsequently completely re-alter my concept of suits for the remainder of my frighteningly silly life...

a bit of background: i had recently decided to try to find a supplier for my coffee habit that fit free trade criteria and was cheaper and more tasty than the local, relatively limited selection. this search ended in complete and utter success, and i now purchase my coffee at Dean's Beans at $6.50 a pound, plus a few bucks for shipping (not so bad if you order 2 or 3 lbs at a time). still cheaper than the local brands.

the aforementioned "brilliant" thought hit my brain like this: heeyyyy... HEY, if i'm planning on paying $75 for this cheesy jcpenney suit online, why don't i try to find a more socially- and ecologically-friendly set of clothes at a comparable price online? it would be better for the world, and, even if it's a few bucks more, i think it would be worth it.

i challenged myself thus: i intend to find a suit, or a set of clothes comparable to a suit, according to mellie's and my mom's separate set of standards, that fit well, are fairly-traded and organically-grown-and-manufactured, for less than $100.

the results of this effort are forthcoming...

[sneak preview: clare spends literally *hours* at work, while waiting for pages and pages of a packet, to be assembled at a later date, to be printed, poking around online, looking for fair trade clothing dealers. the irony of this situation does not totally escape her.]

[and now for a commercial "break":
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i was thinking as i was walking into work at IDEXX yesterday morning that the underside of the clouds above the industral park span looked what i imagine the underside of the sea must look like to sea creatures such as fish, whales, sponges, lobsters, and the like. for some inexplicable reason, this thought made me feel a sense of inescapable loneliness--the kind i imagine plagues humankind as a species--and i was wondering if i will feel underwater in a similar fashion once i move to a city. this requires more explication, but my commercial break time is up...]

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